Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
