Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize