So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
