I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
