Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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