There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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