So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
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After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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