Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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