I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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