ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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