I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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