It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
