ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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