hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
