i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
