I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
