im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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