You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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