What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
