I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
