Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
