Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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