I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
