with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
