We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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