am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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