I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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