Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
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sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
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