You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
