i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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