I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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