maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Randomize
