plz talk dirty to me
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
