I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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