After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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