Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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