There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Randomize
