I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
