dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
