There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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