i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
