Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
