She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
