God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
