i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
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His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
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Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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