watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
