I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
