So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
