I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
