Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Sorry about my life...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
