if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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