so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
