nut hugger
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
