Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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