I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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