OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
