I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
