Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
