just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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