Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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