i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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