We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
