just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
as a side note pls kill me
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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