she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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