It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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