Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
