Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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