im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
