I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
