I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
