I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
3pm strippers are depressing
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
