so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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