Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
