I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
