Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
