I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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