It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize